m_findlow

Title: Staple supplies
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Ianto, Torchwood team, OCs
Author: m_findlow
Rating: PG
Length: 1,177 words
Content notes: none
Author notes: Written for caz251's prompt "Torchwood, Ianto Jones, 5 times Ianto saved the world with office supplies" at fic_promptly
Summary: Never underestimate the power of stationery.

'Tosh, I need that meso-blaster gun working right now!' Jack yelled, letting off two more shots from his Webley before being forced to duck down behind the upturned desk again to prevent his head from being blown off.

Tuesday! Ianto thought, squashed in next to Tosh behind a filing cabinet. Nothing exciting ever happens on a Tuesday. And yet today was the day six aliens had decided to arrive and take over the hub with whatever firepower they had.

Tosh flipped open the panel on the blaster. 'Argh,' she cried. 'The firing pin has snapped. No wonder it's got no charge! The whole electrical circuit has been broken.'

'How do we fix it?' Ianto asked, knowing that if they didn't, their ordinary weapons were only going to prolong their lives about five minutes more than not having them at all.

'I need new wiring to connect the two parts so the charge can transfer. Or at least a thin strip of metal. How am I going to get that, when we're stuck here being shot at?'

Ianto reached up and slid open the drawer, tugging out a file. 'Would a paper clip work?'

'Ianto, that's genius.'

~~~~~~~~~~~

'I told you to be careful with that,' Jack said, glaring at Owen.

'I was. But you put your greasy mits all over it and it was slippery. Not my fault I dropped it.'

Jack knelt down and went to pick it up, before spotting the long crack in the side of the container. 'Uh oh.'

'What's, uh oh?' Owen asked.

'The container is broken.' He immediately slapped his hand over it, squeezing it tight. 'Owen! Get something to put this in. Another containment unit. We need to stop the gas from getting out. If it starts leaking and mixing with the nitrogen in the air, it could ignite. There's enough in there to blow up half of Cardiff if it all gets out.'

Owen looked around. 'I don't have another containment unit.'

'We've got dozens of the damn things!'

'Yeah, but just not here. I've got enough shit down in my medical bay it is.'

'Ianto!' Jack yelled out. 'We need a containment unit! Pronto Italia!'

He leant over the autopsy bay railing, seeing the look of panic in his teammates eyes. 'That'll take me five minutes to get one from storage.'

'We don't have five minutes, unless you like your boyfriend without any arms! And your city a wasted ruin!'

'What about sticky tape?'

'Huh?'

He held up the roll of thick sticky tape that he'd been headed down to the archives with. 'You need something to seal the it right?'

'Yeah.'

'So, tape over the hole and buy me some time to get you a long term solution.'

~~~~~~~~~~

'Why is it shooting at us?' Gwen cried. 'I thought you said these things were meant to protect people?' she asked Jack.

'They are,' he replied. 'It must have gotten its circuits scrambled,' he added, sidestepping at just the right moment to avoid being hit by the laser beam. 'They're programmed to identify the difference between humans and everything else.'

'What do you mean everything else? What the hell do they use these robots for, anyway?'

'Bugs. Really huge bugs!' Jack said, holding his arms three feet apart. 'Trust me, if you lived in Centura Maxim you'd own four of these things. You don't wanna get bitten by one of those things. If this gets out of the hub, though, it could start attacking people en masse.'

Gwen ducked and hit the deck as a blaze of yellow light zapped over her head. 'What happens if we get hit?'

'It won't be pretty. We need to destroy its visual sensor. You've got your gun?' he asked.

Gwen nodded.

'Good. I'll distract it.' Jack chuckled. 'You'll need to be one hell of a marksman.' Even then he was sure he was taking one for the team, putting himself in the line of fire.

'Got it,' she said, slipping the safety back. She wouldn't miss. Not when Jack's survival depended in it.

Jack turned around, ready to bolt out in front of it, before he spotted Ianto right behind it.

'Ianto get outta the way!'

'Don't worry, I've got it sorted,' he replied. He pointed to the camera on top of the robot. 'I stuck a post-it over the top. It can't see anything now. Lucky I bought those double strength sticky ones.'

~~~~~~~~~~~

'It's going to eat the SUV!' Jack cried.

'What?' Tosh exclaimed.

'They're made of light, Tosh. They eat up anything black, and right now, our one mode of transport looks like the buffet table at a really boring conference. Once it's chewed up that, it's gonna start going after everything else. These things won't stop until there's nothing left.' He cast an eye at Ianto, standing next to him. 'Ianto, you need to get out of here.'

'Why?'

'Have you seen what you're wearing?'

He looked down at his suit, noting the deep black he'd chosen to go with his lavender shirt. 'Oh.'

'Yeah.'

'They'll just eat my clothes, though, right?' The look Jack gave him was anything but reassuring.

'We need a way to contain them,' Jack said. They like black, so let's give them something black to lure them away. Something that isn't the SUV. Or Ianto,' he added. 'Quick, they're coming toward us!'

Ianto ran across to his desk and picked out a black marker pen. He reached over and began drawing a thick black line on the floor. 'Tosh, get one of those containment units ready,' he ordered.

The light mites began chewing along his long back line, following him as he led them in circles around the hub.Tosh returned with the box, setting it on the ground. He drew the line all the way to its edge and threw the pen inside. The mites went straight for it, before Tosh slammed the lid shut, sealing them inside.

'Phew, that was lucky,' Ianto said. 'I was running out of ink.'

~~~~~~~~~~

'Why do these things only ever happen when you lot are here?' Frobisher complained. 'Bloody Torchwood!'

'I think it's more interested in the Prime Minister than me,' Ianto replied, watching as the huge furry creature began clawing at the door, behind which was the PM and a bunch of terrified staffers.

'I'm blaming you lot for this,' Frobisher continued. 'So help me, God. I'll have the Queen defrock you and your whole organisation.'

'Oh, shut up. Bridget, hand me your stapler,' he said, reaching out for it. At least she didn't argue with him, passing him the item. Like everything else around here, it was good and clunky, he thought. He lofted it hard, finding its mark right on the alien's temple, watching the creature go down in a crumpled heap.

'You... you... knocked it out with a stapler?' Frobisher sputtered.

Ianto shrugged. 'Go with what you've got,' he replied. 'Now, do you think you can find something to tie up its hands and feet? You lot are generally good at that sort of thing.'